VERSE 1 She's got an K-Pop avatar She plays the ukulele cause she's shit at guitar She's coloured her hair cause she's "different" She's got a growing army of simps and TikTok is her front page She looks about half her age CHORUS Ooh my little E-Girl I'm hitting her up in her DMs She strokes my little ego can't find real women, so I turn to the Internet VERSE 2 Oh she's the perfect one for me Her eye shadow's so heavy that she can't see I don't need those other VSCO girls I just need my E-baby, yeah she's my E-world I got her Discord Nitro for her birthday I'm a top tier patron just to hear her say my name I'm her peasant, she's my queen, My bank account's in the red, But hey love ain't free CHORUS Ooh my little E-Girl I'm hitting her up in her DMs She strokes my little ego can't find real women, so I turn to the Internet BRIDGE I'm such a big fan of her Instagram, I scrolled down so fast, don't know where I am. Yeah she's my E-Girl, and I'm her E-Man I've sunk 10 grand on her OnlyFans I tried to message her one day, but her account got taken away. So if you're listening to this song bts4eva, pls respon. CHORUS Ooh my little E-Girl I'm hitting her up in her DMs She strokes my little ego can't find real women, so I turn to the web, and Ooh my little E-Girl I'm hitting her up in her DMs She strokes my little ego can't find real women, so I turn to the inter, turn to the inter Turn to the internet.

VERSE 1 This is not a love song, This is a message to Someone who changed my life he could even change you. He's not a wealthy man He's no one's first pick He's not smart man He's just a dick CHORUS Dave, Dave, You're an asshole. I hope you die in a black hole Dave, Dave, You're a trash fire Your demise Is my desire Dave, you suck. I hate your guts. VERSE 2 he's the kind of guy who will need 5 bucks but when you ask him for money, he'll tell you to shut up. He'll go outside to commit hate crimes He ran over my cat 7 times And when he speaks, I want him to stop. Dave, he reeks like a gas station mop He might seem kind, He might seem cool, But deep inside, he's just a tool CHORUS Dave, Dave, I hate you. Sometimes I wonder why did god create you? Dave, Dave, You're literally the worst knowing you is like a curse Do do doodle do dwee dwee I hate you dave. I'll be the one to dig your grave. BRIDGE Dave you're such a waste of space, I hate your stupid ugly face. Jump off a cliff, drown in a lake Even Bob Ross thinks you're a mistake Dave, Dave, you're horrendous You still find new ways to offend us. Dave, Dave, how I want you gone. You're as useless as a white crayon.

I found some Parmesan Some Lemon Juice Spaghetti sauce Worcestershire sauce Some yogurt that I didn't eat Eggs that I didn't beat Various jars of mysterious liquids And feta that just smells wrong These are all things I have found at the back of my fridge (I didn't know I had teriyaki sauce) I said I would use them but I never did (why is there an empty plate in here?) I don't wanna throw them out cause that'd be a waste So all they do is take up space Barbecue sauce I think these are beans Siracha that I bought in 2015 Several ends of breads Half a mouldy onion An empty bottle of wine And a single English muffin Wheat germ What the hell is wheat germ? When in my life did I have the need for wheat germ mayonnaise that quite possibly Might be alive And my friend Jim Who still owes me a 5 These are all things I have found at the back of my fridge (What's an udon noodle?) I said I would use them but I never did (This note says help me, I'm trapped in a refrigerator factory) I don't wanna throw them out cause that'd be a waste So all they do is take up space 2 types of relish My old credit card Maple syrup, baby carrots And entire pound of lard Dijon mustard that went bad last year A lemon I don't wanna use because of fear ranch ranch ranch (I don't even like ranch) ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch There's a colony of gnomes in the back of the fridge, Can't make them leave, so I guess that's where they live They've made me their god I'm their ruler above Still can't find the cream, guess I'll buy more. These are all things I have found at the back of my fridge (I just wanna drink my coffee, man) I said I would use them but I never did (I refuse to use milk!) I don't wanna throw them out cause that'd be a waste So all they do is take up space

I'm not gonna bother doing the lyrics to this one lol

VERSE 1 Party all night, Until 9PM I got a curfew Be in bed by 10 I love my mama, Don't wanna make her sad Don't cause no drama Wake up late for church again I wanna dance with you girl, but it's a sin. I wanna talk with you girl, know you as a friend. I wanna tell you all about me I wanna get you a Glass of Earl Grey tea, ay CHORUS Girl, you got a sexy body, but I'm waiting till marriage (X2) I wanna get with you girl, but I'm waiting till marriage (X3) POST-CHORUS Bottoms up, Non alcoholic better smarten up Cause that crud's toxic I'm a nice guy, take you home and cook you rice guy Hold your hand, make you smile once or twice guy. (I'm a gangsta. That's what my mom always called me as a kid) VERSE 2 I'm getting high, on life that is Don't want you giving me that devil's lettuce This ain't party without A karaoke machine So I can sing along to Kidz Bop, that's my scene. Yeah, you know I'm a player I'm the best at solitaire making everybody stare I'm always in it, like I don't even care CHORUS Girl, you have a nice physique but I'm waiting till marriage (x2) You can't take virginity I'm waiting till marriage, so POST CHORUS get the shots of of holy water I'll get on my knees pray to the holy father I'm a Christ boy You don't wanna mess with this white boy I can run from any kind of fight, boy BRIDGE Come on girl, lemme take you home I'll get your number on my windows phone. I'll make sure you're never alone I'll leave my message at the tone. Come on girl, take a chance on me I got a job at Applebee's I'm homies with the big J.C. You're my honey and I'm a bee Why you walking away from me wait please come back OUTRO wait wait wait wait no no no no no augh oh crap uh Was it something I said? Was it EVERYTHING I said? Girls don't like nice guys...

VERSE 1 I made dinner, but I dropped it on the floor. I nuked a burrito 30 minutes instead of four I had a party, But nobody came. I had a girlfriend, But she said I was lame CHORUS I'm in hell, uwu, uwu, uwu VERSE 2 I went to get ice cream, all they had was dairy free. Went to the theatre, all they were showing was Emoji Movie tried to drive to work, but the engine was dead. tried to get a mechanic but I've got 400,000 in debt. CHORUS I'm in hell, uwu, uwu, uwu BRIDGE My life sucks X2 My life frickin sucks VERSE 3 I went to Taco Bell (That's the end of the sentence) I dropped an album, (oooh, self burn, HA!) I got some crayons but they only had black. I went to the beach, but I had a heart attack. I won the lottery, I dropped the ticket in a fire, And when I went home that night, My house was also on fire I called an ambulance, But they were all on break. and then my mom called me, Just to say I was a mistake. CHORUS I'm in hell, uwu, uwu, uwu (x2)

Waking up to a cup of joe Thinking about how this day's gonna go Maybe I'll go for a walk Call a friend up, we can talk Because there's so much I can do today. But my grip starts to loosen The cup's about to fall My morning is ruined Cause of something I call Hot Coffee On my crotch (hot coffee on my) Hot Coffee On my crotch (how could this happen?) The pain is unbearable, these pants were so wearable but now they got big ass stain Cause I got Hot Coffee On my crotch

Yeah I'm not gonna do these lyrics either lol

There was a genie And he said you got three wishes, So what your wishes gonna be? Some might wish for wealth and fortune, Some might wish for world peace. Some people wish they could fly But I'm not that kind of guy Some people wish for more wishes Some people wish they had bitches All I need X2 is a hug

J.K. Rowling needs to stop J.K. Rowling needs to stop I'm not even a Harry Potter fan, but I know that she needs to stop Stop adding to the lore. You added enough to it before You're writing fanfiction for your own damn fiction I just think that it's time for you to stop You're like George Lucas for a new age but with more transphobic rage someone needs to take your phone away and tell you it's time to stop 'Cause J.K. Rowling needs to stop (stop being like this) J.K. Rowling needs to stop (you’re getting everybody pissed) There's a reason people hate Twitter these days, so J.K. Rowling please stop Please stop (please stop) Please stop (please stop) Please stop (please stop) Please stop

Oh yeah (oh yeah) Oh baby (baby) Consensual hand holding (hand holding) The cold side of the pillow, augh (augh) Asking about how the day went (day went) Enjoying each other's company (company) Head pats (Head pats) oooh baby (baby) Reading a good book, AUGH (AUGH) Crocheting (-cheting) Looking at memes on your phone (phone) Donating to me on Patreon, Patreon.com/marshaldoesstuff (Marshal Does Stuff) Thank you (Thank you)

I was just a young boy didn't know where I was going, I could see the tides were changing and I still carried on I fell in love, but the summer don't last forever Make your choices now or never Cause life may soon be gone.

*mostly unintelligible mumbling*

My name's not Dave, That's not what they call me My name's not Pete, How could you speak so wrongly? My name's not Roger. And that's a fact. My name's not Edward. My name is... My name's not Greg, You couldn't be more wrong. My name's not Guy, That's also incorrect. My name's not Augustine That's wrong as well My name's not Reginald D. Kensington the 3rd My name It's not Gorth (that's... not a real name) It's not Framf (and neither is that) It's not Rodert (Is this song just you naming off different names that you're not?) ...maybe (wow, I'm stunned) It's not Bartholomew (this is what you're closing your album off with, just a list of names that you're not?) It's not Denise (don't interrupt me, ok? This is not how you close out an album, alright?) It's not Brad Pitt (wha- Brad Pitt?? Obviously your name isn't Brad Pitt) It's not Augustine (Hey dummy, you already said that one, you failure. Oh nevermind.) It's not Barry or Mary How could you be so misled? It's not Paul Thomas Anderson You're as dense as bread It's not Not Bryan or Ryan Are you out of your mind? It's not Amelia Or Jack Douglass My name is uh, my name is Marshal.